Family, Friends, Fetty, and Frankie Beverly...

A couple of weeks ago, I headed to Charlotte, NC for my sister’s wedding. I was excited about the weekend for a few reasons. Of course, I couldn’t wait to see my sister walk down the aisle to marry the man of her dreams but I was even more excited about the chance to spend time with all of my siblings on my father’s side. I had met all but two of them over the years and I’ve spent quite a bit of time with some of them but never all at once. And knowing that I would finally get to meet my two oldest sisters had me counting down the days leading up to the trip.

Quick back story - I was raised by my mother and grandmother. I didn’t meet my father until I was in the 10th grade and our relationship never really flourished, but I’ve grown close to my siblings and always look forward to seeing them. There’s much more to the story but maybe I’ll share it in a separate blog post one day.

Outside of spending time with my sister before she got married and seeing her walk down the aisle on her wedding day, I have to say that my absolute favorite memory from the weekend was the night before the wedding. It all started at the rehearsal/rehearsal dinner. Actually, no…it started at the hair salon when my oldest and youngest brothers came to see me there. They walked in together and I screamed! My oldest brother is like a teddy bear. A manly teddy bear, the kind you don’t mess with, but yea - a teddy bear. Anyway, they walked in the door and I couldn’t sit still. I wanted them both beside me and the stupid hair dryer was ruining everything. I couldn’t focus on keeping my head back so that my hair wouldn’t take five hours to dry because I kept popping out to talk to them. Every time one of them moved I was like, “Where are you going? Are you leaving?”

At the rehearsal dinner, stories were shared from childhood. Some of my siblings grew up together so it was nice to hear their funny stories from the past. We wrapped up dinner and all agreed that the night couldn’t end yet, so we decided to go change clothes and meet back up to hang out.

We had so much fun together! Dancing, singing, and rapping [yes, I rap]. It felt so good to be around them, to laugh with them, to get hype with them when our favorite song came on…From Jay-Z to Meek, Frankie Beverly to Fetty, we had a ball!

The weekend was amazing! There’s no other way to describe it. Although I didn’t grow up with them, our bond is strong and I feel equally as blessed to have them as I do to have my younger twin brothers who grew up with me.

Now, for those giving me an extreme side-eye, see here:

My friends and family will attest to the fact that I’ve never been the girl/woman that you can just take anywhere. Everyone knows where to invite me, what I’ll go for, where I won’t be comfortable, etc. but one thing is certain: they know that I love to dance (I think I get it from my mama) and my most enjoyable times doing so are with family and close friends - it’s where I feel safe and unjudged. I never want to get so far removed that I can’t enjoy that type of fun with my family and close friends. I shared these thoughts with a good friend and was reminded to ‘walk with Kings but never lose the common touch.’ Rupert Kipling said it best in his poem ‘If’:

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,

Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,

If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,

If all men count with you, but none too much;

If you can fill the unforgiving minute

With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,

Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,

And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!

So if you ever see me, surrounded by the love of those I hold close, dancing my life away, rapping to Jay or belting one of Frankie Beverly’s hits…feel free to join me, judge me, or give me a side-eye if you prefer, but please, please don’t kill my vibe.

What about your friends?

What about your friends?

I recently had the pleasure of helping to facilitate a session on friendship for middle school -to-high-school aged girls attending a local summer camp (CAMP COSMO). As the young ladies discussed some of the issues they face within their various groups of friends, I couldn’t help but notice that the same issues they complained about as a result of the types of friends in their respective circles are quite similar, if not identical, to the types of women in some of our adult circles.

So let’s face it- we all have that ‘one’ friend that __________ (take a look below and fill in the blank).

1.       The complainer – This friend is rarely ever happy. She always has something to complain about. You can start with ‘hello’ and she’ll tell you why she can’t’ stand the rain…ok, I’m being facetious but you get the point. 

2.       The ‘low key’ antagonist – You can’t quite figure out why you’re friends with this person. Seriously, she never has anything nice to say about you or anyone else for that matter. This person rarely supports or encourages you and is usually the first to say something negative about you especially if others are positively promoting you.

3.       The ‘one upper’ – Is it a friendship or a competition? You can’t possibly share your good news or bad news for that matter without this friend trying to ‘one up’ you. Even the bad news? Yes, even the bad news…

You- “I had the worst day today, I locked myself out of the house this morning, forgot my lunch, and my tire went flat on the way home.”

The ‘one upper’- “Oh that’s nothing, my right eye has been twitching so I know hard times are coming, plus my car insurance is going up in six months.”

4.       Dr. Loud & Always Wrong- Sigh! Everyone knows it but no one can seem to break it to this friend. She typically has something to say about everything but rarely makes any sense. The logic is always lacking but you nod and smile or keep silent like the rest of the girls in the group, in hopes that she’ll just stop talking.

 5.       The ‘follower’ – This friend can’t make a decision on her own to save her life. She follows whomever is leading for the week. She adopts their sayings, behaviors, likes/dislikes. etc. If someone else is doing it, so is she.

The types of friends listed are not pointed out because I think they are bad people. That’s not the case at all. I do think that they are people that we need to be mindful of as we become more purposeful about who we let in our space. I won’t belabor the point by discussing all the research done on the positive and negative impacts of the company we choose to keep. I will say that it is evident, indeed, that those we keep in close proximity often impact our lives and livelihood.  Better, yet, I’ll leave you with this- “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” – Jim Rohn

It’s easy to point the finger but which friend are you? Seriously, think about it and I want to hear from you!

This post was originally featured in the Women Who Hustle Newsletter: August Edition | Vol. 2

...in whose name?

Yesterday I served with an amazing team of women at our semi-annual spa day for the ladies of Calvary Women's Shelter. I really can't describe the day without becoming overwhelmed with emotion. It's truly one of my favorite ways to serve because it’s a day full of gratitude. To start, I was in tears yesterday as the ladies walked into the basement of the shelter to see the way we transformed their living space into a full service day spa- including a menu on par with that of the Mandarin Oriental (if I do say so myself) to include assorted sandwiches, summer salads, macaroons, and cucumber water, of course.

Again, the tears flowed as the women saw themselves for the first time after receiving hair and makeup services and they were so thankful for what some of us take for granted. One lady - we’ll call her Ms. T - completely lost it when Bre, one of the makeup artists, held the mirror in front of her after applying her makeup. She couldn’t hold back the tears and neither could the rest of us. She kept saying 'thank you, thank you' and one of the volunteers said to her “You deserve this.” and it must have clicked for Ms. T because she looked at me and said “I do deserve this.” I responded, “You most certainly do.”

Yesterday wasn’t about the services being performed; it’s much bigger than that. The service providers are not there just to make the women look more beautiful on the outside, they are there to also remind them of their inner beauty. They are there to treat them well, to serve them in a way that says ‘you matter.'

Each spa day, I lead the core team, service providers, and volunteers in prayer before the services begin. My prayer for yesterday was that we be remembered not for merely being good people, but for being Christians doing God’s work, and giving Him all the glory. We don’t want our purpose to ever be confused. We don’t show up because we’re good people (although I’d like to think that we are). We are there because we are called to be there. We are called to care for HIS people and when we show up, we show up in Jesus’ name.