Remembering 9/11

Honestly, it still feels like yesterday. I remember exactly what I was wearing that day and exactly how I felt.

I was in college at the time; Bennett College for Women (yep, I’m a Bennett Belle). Anyway, I lived off campus and my friend Jam and I had just pulled up in front of my house when we heard the news on the radio. We ran in the house, turned on the TV, and there it was, the first tower in flames. We sat there in complete awe as the second tower was hit shortly after. And then the news of the Pentagon attack broke and my heart dropped. I was completely shaken by what I was watching unfold in New York, and the Pentagon attack hit close to home.

I immediately started calling my mom; first at her office and then at home. My heart was beating fast and I was trembling so badly that I could barely dial the numbers. None of my calls went through, busy signals and an odd ringing sound for hours; I literally alternated between calling the home and office number for hours. I couldn’t think straight, I skipped dinner, and as 9pm rolled around, sleep was not an option. I was terrified and consumed with thoughts of what ifs. Trying to remain positive didn’t cut it, and my heart broke more and more with each passing moment. I needed to know that my family was okay and there was nothing I could do but pray and wait.

The news outlets made it even more difficult because as much as I wanted to stay tuned in for updates, I had trouble doing so because they kept replaying the attacks as a constant reminder of all that was going wrong, terribly wrong. My prayers became questions: “God, where is my mom?” “Did she make it home?” “Lord, can you give me a sign?” Does this sound familiar? How many times have you been in a situation where all you can do is pray and wait while everything around you continues to highlight just how bad this situation is?  I don’t think there’s much we can do to prepare for these moments. We just have to trust God and remember that “all things work together for the good of them that love the Lord and are called according to His purpose” (Romans 8:28). Even when the outcome doesn’t seem favorable, we have to continue to trust Him.

My mom called late that evening and it was indeed the sweetest relief to hear her voice. However, there are many that never received that phone call from their mother, sister, father, brother, or friend. So as we remember 9/11, let’s honor those that lost their lives by holding our loved ones close. Hug them tighter, call more often, forgive easily, and don’t miss an opportunity to say ‘I love you.’

This post is dedicated to my dear friends Tiffany and Lonnie who lost their father- one of the first responders on 9/11.

Family, Friends, Fetty, and Frankie Beverly...

A couple of weeks ago, I headed to Charlotte, NC for my sister’s wedding. I was excited about the weekend for a few reasons. Of course, I couldn’t wait to see my sister walk down the aisle to marry the man of her dreams but I was even more excited about the chance to spend time with all of my siblings on my father’s side. I had met all but two of them over the years and I’ve spent quite a bit of time with some of them but never all at once. And knowing that I would finally get to meet my two oldest sisters had me counting down the days leading up to the trip.

Quick back story - I was raised by my mother and grandmother. I didn’t meet my father until I was in the 10th grade and our relationship never really flourished, but I’ve grown close to my siblings and always look forward to seeing them. There’s much more to the story but maybe I’ll share it in a separate blog post one day.

Outside of spending time with my sister before she got married and seeing her walk down the aisle on her wedding day, I have to say that my absolute favorite memory from the weekend was the night before the wedding. It all started at the rehearsal/rehearsal dinner. Actually, no…it started at the hair salon when my oldest and youngest brothers came to see me there. They walked in together and I screamed! My oldest brother is like a teddy bear. A manly teddy bear, the kind you don’t mess with, but yea - a teddy bear. Anyway, they walked in the door and I couldn’t sit still. I wanted them both beside me and the stupid hair dryer was ruining everything. I couldn’t focus on keeping my head back so that my hair wouldn’t take five hours to dry because I kept popping out to talk to them. Every time one of them moved I was like, “Where are you going? Are you leaving?”

At the rehearsal dinner, stories were shared from childhood. Some of my siblings grew up together so it was nice to hear their funny stories from the past. We wrapped up dinner and all agreed that the night couldn’t end yet, so we decided to go change clothes and meet back up to hang out.

We had so much fun together! Dancing, singing, and rapping [yes, I rap]. It felt so good to be around them, to laugh with them, to get hype with them when our favorite song came on…From Jay-Z to Meek, Frankie Beverly to Fetty, we had a ball!

The weekend was amazing! There’s no other way to describe it. Although I didn’t grow up with them, our bond is strong and I feel equally as blessed to have them as I do to have my younger twin brothers who grew up with me.

Now, for those giving me an extreme side-eye, see here:

My friends and family will attest to the fact that I’ve never been the girl/woman that you can just take anywhere. Everyone knows where to invite me, what I’ll go for, where I won’t be comfortable, etc. but one thing is certain: they know that I love to dance (I think I get it from my mama) and my most enjoyable times doing so are with family and close friends - it’s where I feel safe and unjudged. I never want to get so far removed that I can’t enjoy that type of fun with my family and close friends. I shared these thoughts with a good friend and was reminded to ‘walk with Kings but never lose the common touch.’ Rupert Kipling said it best in his poem ‘If’:

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,

Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,

If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,

If all men count with you, but none too much;

If you can fill the unforgiving minute

With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,

Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,

And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!

So if you ever see me, surrounded by the love of those I hold close, dancing my life away, rapping to Jay or belting one of Frankie Beverly’s hits…feel free to join me, judge me, or give me a side-eye if you prefer, but please, please don’t kill my vibe.

What about your friends?

What about your friends?

I recently had the pleasure of helping to facilitate a session on friendship for middle school -to-high-school aged girls attending a local summer camp (CAMP COSMO). As the young ladies discussed some of the issues they face within their various groups of friends, I couldn’t help but notice that the same issues they complained about as a result of the types of friends in their respective circles are quite similar, if not identical, to the types of women in some of our adult circles.

So let’s face it- we all have that ‘one’ friend that __________ (take a look below and fill in the blank).

1.       The complainer – This friend is rarely ever happy. She always has something to complain about. You can start with ‘hello’ and she’ll tell you why she can’t’ stand the rain…ok, I’m being facetious but you get the point. 

2.       The ‘low key’ antagonist – You can’t quite figure out why you’re friends with this person. Seriously, she never has anything nice to say about you or anyone else for that matter. This person rarely supports or encourages you and is usually the first to say something negative about you especially if others are positively promoting you.

3.       The ‘one upper’ – Is it a friendship or a competition? You can’t possibly share your good news or bad news for that matter without this friend trying to ‘one up’ you. Even the bad news? Yes, even the bad news…

You- “I had the worst day today, I locked myself out of the house this morning, forgot my lunch, and my tire went flat on the way home.”

The ‘one upper’- “Oh that’s nothing, my right eye has been twitching so I know hard times are coming, plus my car insurance is going up in six months.”

4.       Dr. Loud & Always Wrong- Sigh! Everyone knows it but no one can seem to break it to this friend. She typically has something to say about everything but rarely makes any sense. The logic is always lacking but you nod and smile or keep silent like the rest of the girls in the group, in hopes that she’ll just stop talking.

 5.       The ‘follower’ – This friend can’t make a decision on her own to save her life. She follows whomever is leading for the week. She adopts their sayings, behaviors, likes/dislikes. etc. If someone else is doing it, so is she.

The types of friends listed are not pointed out because I think they are bad people. That’s not the case at all. I do think that they are people that we need to be mindful of as we become more purposeful about who we let in our space. I won’t belabor the point by discussing all the research done on the positive and negative impacts of the company we choose to keep. I will say that it is evident, indeed, that those we keep in close proximity often impact our lives and livelihood.  Better, yet, I’ll leave you with this- “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” – Jim Rohn

It’s easy to point the finger but which friend are you? Seriously, think about it and I want to hear from you!

This post was originally featured in the Women Who Hustle Newsletter: August Edition | Vol. 2