A time to mourn.

Monday was my best friend Trevoya’s birthday. She passed away in 2008, shortly after giving birth to her only child, Tristan. It was my first time experiencing the loss of a close friend and it was rough. Each year since, as her birthday approached, I’ve made plans for how to spend the day in order to avoid breaking down. So, in true Sharnikya fashion, my Monday was jam packed and went something like this: leave the office at 3:30pm, first coaching session at 5pm, second coaching session at 6pm, gym at 7pm, board of directors call at 8pm (with plans to drop off early for my final coaching session for the evening), and then bed. Avoid-Breakdown-Plan was in full effect!

Well, my 6pm session was cancelled so there was a gap. I decided to change the sheets and that took all of five minutes, so I reorganized the top drawer of my nightstand. Yes, I was running from it, trying to keep busy, and saying to God, “Not today God, I don’t feel like being sad. Not today.” And then I was reminded of a verse from The Beatitudes, “Blessed are they that mourn for they shall be comforted.” (Matthew 5:4) 

So, I mourned the death of my dear friend Trevoya. I cried and cried some more and I was comforted. I heard her laugh and remembered moments so vividly; like when she called me from North Carolina as she waited for the lines to come through on the pregnancy test (she took three of them). She was so nervous and excited. We were both whispering on the phone because her fiancé was in the next room. I don’t know why I was whispering, but she whispered so I followed suit.

I thought about our last birthday dinner together. We went to a Mexican restaurant in Greenville, NC and I made her put on the silliest sombrero as the servers sang Happy Birthday. She was embarrassed and I was dying laughing. I remembered the dip! The dip was so good! We had gone to the restaurant a few times before and always contemplated getting the dip but finally got it and it was gone in sixty seconds!

I remembered her birthday party at 2 Dogs Pizza in Ayden, NC. I believe she was turning nine. Anyway, she came in ready to party and when Paula Abdul’s Opposites Attract came on you would have thought she was in the video!

I recalled how excited we both were when she received her first ‘blue box’ from Tiffany & Co. and when we finally decided on the name “Tristan” for the baby – we knew the name would be Tristan Star for a girl and Tristan ‘something’ for a boy. I also thought about the plans we had for traveling together, mainly Caribbean Islands but she wanted to go to Paris as well. We didn’t get to do a lot of the things we wanted to do together but she is in heaven, the ultimate destination and we will meet again. For now, I will remember her often and mourn when I need to so that I may be comforted. 

What's up with Worship?

Each Wednesday I co-host a show on blis.fm called ‘The Connect’. This week we were privileged to interview Whittney Jackson, an up and coming Gospel artist with a powerful voice. During the interview we discussed the topic of worship and Whittney said something that stood out to me, “Worship is a lifestyle.” And as I thought and prayed more about it, I realized that worship is how we prioritize God in our lives and not just how we feel when the slow song plays at church. This is a matter of the heart and we communicate with God through our worship.

1.      You have to learn God for yourself- Worship is an extension of the Holy Spirit residing in you. Whether you’ve grown up in church or were introduced to it much later in life, if you’re not careful, going to church simply becomes a habit [a good habit] but we have to be diligent and make a choice for ourselves about who God is and what He means to us. (1 Corinthians 6:19-20) 19 Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? 20 For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s.” (NJKV)

2.      Own your worship – The way you worship God is unique to you. It doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s worship. Sit down, stand up, raise your hands, open your eyes, keep them close; do whatever the Holy Spirit leads you to do in order to worship Him in spirit and truth. (John 4:23-24) 23 “But the hour is coming, and now is, when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth; for the Father is seeking such to worship Him. 24 God is Spirit, and those who worship Him must worship in spirit and truth.” (NKJV)

3.      Check your heart- When you are having trouble worshiping, check your heart and assess where you are in relation to God. Have you strayed from Him? Do you need to ask for forgiveness for something? Do you need to study more of His word? Is your worship only tied to whether or not God answers your prayers the way you want Him to? (Jeremiah 29:13) “And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart.” (NKJV)

The 3-year old and her plans.

Over the past few years I’ve done something around my birthday to give back to the community and I wanted this year to be no different. So, this time last Saturday I celebrated my birthday with family and friends by taking over Central Union Mission.  Volunteers signed up for two-hour shifts, kindhearted chefs were brought in to prepare lunch, and barbers donated their time, providing free hair cuts for the men of Central Union Mission.

A few things stood out to me while serving last week:

The majority of the volunteers did not want to leave when their shifts ended.  I was asked more than once “Can I stay a little bit longer?” , “I know my shift is over but is there something else I can do?” Serving does this to you—you get lost in it; something comes over you and you want to keep giving. Maybe initially, you were there for you. You know, to do a good deed; but that soon wears off and it’s no longer about you but more so about the difference being made in the lives of others.

The confidence gained by the Mission men after receiving their haircuts made my heart glad. They smiled brighter and their strides seemed a little longer. I know how I feel after a fresh ‘do’ so to see that they are impacted in the same way was such a blessing. Some of them seriously had that President Obama kind of stride after their haircuts...Okay, no one can do it quite like President Obama but you get it!

I was greatly inspired by the serving heart of little Brie, the youngest volunteer who was so eager and excited to serve! Brie started off drawing pictures on the back of the inspirational cards that would be left on the beds for the Mission men. She then graduated to 'my little helper', holding my hand, asking questions, and sharing funny stories that made her fall out laughing.

As lunch rolled around she stood beside me as I handed desserts to the older children so that they could pass them out to the 150 men of the Mission.  After about 10-minutes of holding my hand as the other children came back and forth to pick up plated desserts, she asked if I could pick her up. I picked her up and proceeded to pass out the desserts to the children.  Of course I should have known that she had a plan. She eased her way into the process and the desserts soon went from my hand to hers and then to the other children. This lasted a good 20-minutes or so before she asked to get down.  I gathered that she needed a break and naturally, I was somewhat relieved, because a 3-year old on your hip for longer than five minutes is no easy feat.

But I was wrong; she did not need a break and again, had another plan. She now wanted to help pass out desserts. I obliged. She held the hand of one of the older girls as she handed out desserts and it seemed to be going well. That got old though, and after a few trips back and forth in lockstep with an older volunteer, Brie was ready for the big leagues. She wanted to actually pass out the desserts. Again, I obliged.  Why? Because I know exactly what that feels like to want to do more. You see a need and know you can fill it if given the opportunity. And if the opportunity doesn’t already exist, you create it. Of course Brie didn’t think it through this way but I believe this is the way the heart of a servant works. You progressively seek and create opportunities to serve.  

I’m so inspired by little Brie and the rest of the children that were there last week. I’m grateful to their parents for bringing them and I pray that service will be engrained in their hearts forever. 

(Galatians 5:13) "You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love." 

Check out the video below and pay close attention to the end to see little Brie in action!